Did you know I've got a homing pigeon?

Did you know I've got a homing pigeon?
I did give it a name but I can't remember what it was now.
I'm sure it'll come back to me

Went to town to buy myself some velcro shoes yesterday.
Have decided to wait until the sales start though.
They were a total rip off.

Have you heard about our local vicar?
He disappeared a few weeks ago.
It's been reported to missing parsons.

The last advice my vicar gave me was not to eat pro biotic yoghurt.
He said "never dabble in the Yakult"

I saw a broken television in a charity shop for just £25 the other day.
Woman in the shop said "You can't turn that down!"

You won't believe this but I got abducted by aliens recently.
There was a huge cream bun in the spaceship.
Think it was an extra cholesterol.

Went down to the RSPCA head office this morning.
Tiny place it was.
Couldn't swing a cat in there.

I've made an appointment at the doctors.
I keep hearing music coming from the base of my spine.
Think I might have a slipped disco.

I've finally fired the cleaner.
I'm glad that's done and dusted.

I bought a CD of church hymn music.
don't like it much.
Think it's a bit of an a-choired taste.

I've been up all night wondering where the sun's gone.
But I'm gonna go to bed now.
I'm sure it will dawn on me in the morning